AustinCounseling.info

When a child is raised in a nurturing, loving, affirming, supportive environment, he or she grows up to be a happy, balanced, mature adult. All of our parents were human, and by definition, made mistakes, even while doing the best they could. When we are criticized, belittled, ignored, neglected, or abused, we come to believe that there is something wrong with us, because it is too frightening for children to recognize that their parents, on whom they must rely for their very survival, are not the all-powerful, all-knowing, perfect beings that we want, need, and imagine them to be. We are unable to see our parents as fragile, flawed, struggling human beings who make mistakes. It is easier – and automatic – for us to blame ourselves when our parents mistreat us. We think that if we were better or acted differently our parents would not hurt us. So we change our behavior, and sometimes our personalities, so our parents – and others – will like us more and treat us better.

I believe that we were all born onto this earth as perfect, unique, loving beings with individual gifts to give to the world. In the process of growing up in a less than ideal world with less than perfect parents we often lose sight of our gift and lose touch with our true nature and true self. We change and adapt according to what we think will cause us the least pain and the most happiness. We are influenced by our family, friends, community, and culture. We do the best we can, but sometimes the paths we choose do not lead to the results we want.

Our Western culture promotes individuality over community. We are taught to rely on ourselves, to not show weakness, and to keep our feelings of doubt and shame to ourselves. These values keep us from soliciting advice and support from others that could keep us from making wrong choices or decisions in our lives. When things do go wrong or don’t turn out as we expect them to, we have nowhere to go to express our feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, or disappointment.

Therapy is the first step towards finding the way back to our true selves. Our isolation keeps us locked into patterns of living that we came to see don’t work in our favor. Talking to another human being to get their perspective and to air feelings that we have been keeping in and that we don’t want to or can’t tell anyone is the beginning of the healing process.

The human spirit has a natural tendency toward growth and healing. Just as our body heals itself if given a clean and nurturing environment, our psyche will do the same. But we must provide the proper environment by clearing out the obstacles that have been blocking our growth. All the feelings of not being good enough, not being loved, not being perfect, not being accepted, of feeling guilty and ashamed, must be expressed, out loud, to another person who will not judge, shame, or criticize you for anything you feel.

My job as a therapist is to try to understand you in order to help you understand yourself. I want to correct and replace the harsh judgments you have erroneously placed on yourself. I want to uncover and discover your true, beautiful, perfect nature that has been covered up by false messages that you have been told by others, either directly or indirectly, and that you have learned to tell yourself.

In therapy you will learn to replace those negative messages and beliefs with positive ones that will allow you to break the bonds of life patterns that are not working. You will learn to love and value yourself and treat yourself with the respect and care with which you want others to treat you. When you understand and forgive yourself you will come to know and love yourself. When you discover your loveable nature and let it shine in the world others will be attracted to you like a moth to a flame. Your relationships will improve, your productivity will increase, your happiness and satisfaction with life will become abundant.